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ld O. Ho
His Sad Eyes Held A Secret
Our foster son was a happy, well adjusted little boy, who had
barely turned two years old, when the governing county decided that he was ready to return
to his biological family……
Our home was designed as a transitional step from hospital care to the
biological family. We helped parents adapt to changes and prepare them to handle the
medical complexities of their child’s needs.
We were always ready for the transition to take place, but never quite
prepared for the heartbreak that became a major aspect of our life, as a child passed
through the doorway that would lead them to a "new life experience", and
one that would undoubtedly dissolve our relationship…..
We lived through it so many times, we appeared on the surface to be "old
war veterans", many people referred to us as super strong individuals, but they
never knew the pain that tore at our hearts as each child left, taking a piece of our
hearts with them. We were happy to see that many of the children made remarkable progress,
and were heading toward the normalcy they deserved.
Each child was different, and the need for care far exceeded routine
baby care! But, caring for them brought so much joy into our lives as we shared our love
and our home.
Richy had the most gorgeous eyes God ever created, with
flirtatious eyelashes so long and beautiful, I believe Tammy Faye Bakker would have traded
her eyeteeth to own them!
Born a "preemie", weighing only 24 ounces at birth, he was
truly a "miracle"….! His premature birth was the result of his mother being
the "victim" of "domestic violence", three months prior to his
due date. He was born with severe medical problems, including respiratory difficulties
that would be problematic throughout his life, but the happiness that shown in his
beautiful little eyes were a sight to behold!
He was a "high risk" child, and needed
specialized care. His medical complexities were life threatening, but he quickly responded
to medical care. He was becoming age appropriate, and on his second birthday, we were
given the news that we always knew would come, but dreaded to hear.
It was time for him to return to his natural family……..!
We grew so attached to him while he was in our care!
The love we felt for him couldn’t have been any greater had
he been our own. The next few weeks flew by, and he seemed to know that there was going to
be a big change coming in his life. He began to withdraw, and sadness shown in his little
face. The day he left, there was a deep sadness reflecting in his eyes, which were
spilling over with tears, and as the car began to pull away, his little eyes, once filled
with heaven’s glow, were now pleading, not to go…!
With broken hearts, we cried as they drove away… little did they
know….. a piece of our heart was riding in the back seat..!
We received a call from his mother a week later, she was excited to let
us know that he was adjusting and doing well. It filled our hearts with tremendous
joy to hear the good news! But, just as we had feared, this would be our last contact.
We were so busy operating a home for medically disadvantaged children,
we didn’t realize that 17 months had passed when we heard a news bulletin. Our
beloved son was found in the basement of his home, where he died from abuse, 15 months
earlier!
Anger now raged through my once compassionate soul, as I
concentrated on the horror surrounding his death. Feeling the pain of his torture, it
seemed like a part of me died with him!
I was unaware of the "spiritual presence" that was consuming
my soul, controlling my emotions, refilling my "spirit of compassion".
Constant replays of news reports held us captive, as they began a search
for his mother, who was not only a suspect, but also a fugitive…….
When the news of his death hit the front page of the local paper, she
grabbed her children and disappeared. The search went on for nearly two weeks before she
was apprehended. During this time, we learned of a troubled past which may have led to the
final demise of our son, and fear for the lives of her other children.
God placed me in spiritual guardianship, as He knew her heart and her
need for a friend. The world became her enemy as they viewed her with hatred and anger. My
interest in her case was compounded by my love for her son. My eyes were shielded from the
"act" and guided to the soul of a woman in crisis.
It was at this time that God called me to intercession, He wanted "me"
to pray for her! He reminded me of the love that we shared, how much she loved Him and her
children, and her need of prayer.. He reminded me of her emotional instability, lack of
friends, family support, and of a "system" that not only failed her son, but
also failed her.
As I responded to the "Master’s Voice", He took me to her
and placed her hand in mine while she was on the run. He allowed me to see that she
and the children were safe.
He showed me a battered woman with a history of abuse, who succumbed to
a life of violence and abuse, believing there was no way out. He showed me a broken woman
who suffered from a mental disorder which clouded her senses, and forced her to live in a
system which only increased her depression. He showed me a woman, whose marriage fell
apart within a few years, leaving her alone to raise 4 young children, a woman now
homeless and afraid.
I prayed for their safety and her peace of mind to be restored. Many days went
by before she was found and taken into custody, her remaining children immediately placed
in the foster care system. Awaiting trial, life behind bars became her refuge from the
world. She looked to the Lord to help her through the trials that were ahead, the
sleepless nights were long and lonely, but she found the pain of incarceration gave her
peace from the long months of hiding her terrible secret..! The separation of many miles
did not stop the prayers that flowed between us, and as I received peace, I received a
letter, which said, "I have peace now, for God has forgiven me." She went on
trial and was sentenced, served time and was released, but will she ever be free?
What about Richy? Perhaps the
sadness that shown on his little face the day he left had a much deeper meaning, something
that went beyond human understanding.... Perhaps he knew his fate!
What about Richy? He’s
smiling down on us from above... He’s singin’ in heaven’s choir....!
"It was LOVE that brought us together, it was FAITH that kept us
strong, it was FORGIVENESS that erased the pain...!"
Matthew 17:20
Patricia A. Dechert
2001
"NEAR
DEATH EXPERIENCE"
TOSHA
MARIE
1984
- 1989
August 1, 1988 - Another
emergency call for our four year old medically
disabled foster
daughter...as the ambulance rushed her to the hospital,
I watched from the passenger seat as they tried
unsuccessfully to start
the IV, but this trip was different, there was no
response!
On our arrival at the hospital, she was rushed
into the ER.
There they did a spinal tap and started the IV,
but our daughter never
moved or whimpered. I prayed with her
knowing that the
name of "JESUS" always made her smile
and brought a sparkle to her
little eyes, but this time was different,
there was only a blank stare,
she was looking at us without seeing us, she was
not there.
The doctors informed us that Tosha had a bowel
obstruction and surgery
was needed. They told us that they believed our
daughter would not
make it through the night. We cried, we prayed.
They did not
operate, and in less than two days, she was home,
God touched her
broken body, and healed her, the obstruction was
gone without surgery...!
A healing that can only come from God.
In the ER that night, Tosha had a "near
death" experience.
Tosha was gone from us as her lifeless body lay on
the litter
while doctors and nurses worked to save her
life.
Tosha would never allow anyone to put her to bed
without her bedtime
prayers, but there was a sudden change in her when
she came home.
She got so excited when we prayed, she would laugh
and coo,
she was as happy as a "Pentecostal preacher
with a church full of
holy ghost, spirit-filled
parishioners"! Her excitement grew each day,
and she looked at us with her big, "bunny
rabbit eyes" as if to say,
"OH, if you only knew what I know, if you
could only see what I see,
I see heaven"..! Each day brought her
closer to the Lord, and she was
so beautiful in death when the Lord called her
home the following year.
Now, Tosha was handicapped, she couldn't walk,
talk, or feed herself,
she survived on a feeding tube. But, she
"knew" the Lord Jesus,
and as we shared our love with her, she showed us
God's love as it
reflected in her eyes...! When
God called her to Him,
He knew our hearts were broken, and it was at that
time that
He gave me the words and music to my first song,
titled....
"God, Give Me The Faith, Of Your Little
Child".
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